How Could I Forget?
by ausllydawmoon
Summary: Right after the season three finale (because they did us real dirty with that ending). Camsten. One-shot (for now).


"I will _never _forgive you for making me do this to him," Kirsten says, glaring at the monster standing in front of her.

Daniel Stinger heaves a deep sigh and runs a hand through his wild hair. "Kirsten, now that your mother is back we can finally be a family. That's all she wants. It's all I want. But we can't do that if you're always cooped up in an NSA lab, or shipped off somewhere on reassignment if something goes sideways, or dead. This is the only way—"

"You are _not _my family," she says through gritted teeth. "These people are my family. Ivy is my family. Mom is my family. _You _are not. And you're the only one who has a problem with me continuing in the program."

"Because it doesn't _matter _anymore. We got your mother back; you have no reason to be the NSA's pawn anymore, Kirsten. And these people aren't your family. They're using you."

"_You're _using me," Kirsten argues. "We do good work here. We help people. We save lives. But they can't do it without me."

"If they really want to continue the program, they'll find a way. It's finally time for you, me, and your mother to be together, like we were always meant to be," he tries. She stands up from her chair.

"I want nothing to do with you, Stinger. And if Mom knew what you were doing, she wouldn't either."

"You can't tell anyone about this, Kirsten," her father says calmly.

"If you think that any of this is gonna make me want to be a family, you're even more insane than I thought," she tells him.

"I don't have a choice, Kirsten!"

"Yes you do!"

"Stitching is too dangerous. Now that your mother is safe and awake, you have no reason to be risking your life every day solving crimes that have nothing to do with you."

"I want to _help _people," Kirsten says. "You may not understand the concept of caring about anyone's interests other than your own, but I do."

"They'll never let you stitch now that they think you don't remember it. Especially not Goodkin."

"What if I make you a deal? You let me stop this charade and I'll stop stitching."

Stinger shakes his head. "Any association with these people is too dangerous. I don't trust them. I will _not _risk losing you."

"Mom would want me to keep stitching."

"Your mother would be devastated if anything happened to you. This is the only way to make everyone happy."

"Sure, if 'everyone' means you and Mom. And Mom's only happy because she doesn't know what's actually going on."

"You'll be happy too," Stinger says. "Once you move on from these people and we become a real family, you'll be happy."

"No, I won't," Kirsten says.

"Yes, you will," Stinger argues. "You will do whatever you have to do in order to make your mother happy, including _being _happy as a family with us. You're going to forget about the Stitchers Program, the NSA, and all of the people here. If you don't, I'll have them reassigned in five different corners of the world and they won't even have each other."

"You aren't NSA. You're lucky they aren't putting you in jail."

"The Stitchers technology is mine, which means I can easily take it away from them with one tiny hack. They would never part with their precious secret program, so they'll do whatever I tell them to in order to protect it."

Kirsten clenches her jaw. "You will never be my father."

"Maybe not," Stinger says. "But your mother can't know the truth."

"I'm not doing this for you," she says. "I'm doing this for my _real _family, for Mom, and for my sister."

"As long as you're doing it, I don't care," Stinger replies. Then, he walks out of the room.

Kirsten sits back down in her chair and crosses her arms angrily. She catches a glimpse of Cameron standing at the corpse cassette on the lab floor. His head is down as he rests his hands on the glass. Camille and Linus each have a hand on his back.

She looks away quickly and closes her eyes, counting to ten in her head. She takes a deep breath and quickly wipes both her eyes before any tears can escape them.

"I understand if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed."

Kirsten opens her eyes to see Maggie standing across the table from her. She takes a seat and folds her hands on top of the table.

Kirsten clears her throat. "Agent Baptiste."

"Maggie. Please."

"Right. Maggie. Overwhelmed is a bit of an understatement. I had no idea my parents were involved with the NSA. But thank you for finding my mother."

"About that…" Maggie says. "The story I told you about how we got your mother back wasn't true. I just spoke with her, and she wants you to know the truth."

Maggie goes into the spiel about the Stitchers Program, explains the process and Kirsten's role in it, talks about how she, along with Kirsten's parents and Ed Clark, developed the technology for it, and briefly talks about their previous cases. She talks about how they're working on mapping the brain and how much work they have left to do. She talks about the team, too.

"We're like a family," she finishes, after explaining everyone's role on the team. "Fisher, Camille, Linus, Cameron, me…we all care about you and each other. I don't know what your father may have told you about us, but we have worked together for the better part of a year kicking ass and saving lives." She gives Kirsten a small smile. "We give a voice to those who would otherwise be silenced forever. And your mother and I believe that despite your memory loss, you could still do good work here. And who knows? Maybe working more cases and stitching into more people will help bring your memory back."

"So…you and my mom want me to keep doing this? Isn't it dangerous?"

"It's your call, Kirsten," Maggie says. "But yes, we think it would be a benefit to everyone, including you, if you did."

"What does my dad think?"

"I wanted to know your thoughts first. You don't have to make a choice right now—"

"I'll do it," Kirsten says immediately. "I want to keep helping people. I wanna know how this all works. And I want to see if it'll help me get my memories back."

Maggie smiles a little. "You're sure?"

"Absolutely. When do we start?"

"Why don't you go home and rest for now? I'll give you a call when we get another case."

Maggie stands up, and Kirsten does too. They shake hands, and Maggie starts walking out.

"Agent – er, Maggie?" Kirsten asks. Maggie turns back to look at her. "I met Cameron earlier. Well, re-met him, since we met as kids." Kirsten points to where he hasn't moved from the corpse cassette. "He said his heart was hurting. You probably know this, but he had heart surgery as a kid. Is he okay?"

Maggie smiles slightly, but Kirsten can see the pain behind it. She never realized just how much the rest of the team's feelings affected Maggie.

"He'll be alright," Maggie promises. "Like I said, we all care about each other. He feels…responsible for your memory loss since he was piloting the stitch."

"I don't blame him for it," Kirsten says.

"That won't stop him from blaming himself."

"Should I go talk to him?"

Maggie takes a deep breath. "I think it's best that you just go home, Kirsten. It's been a long day for everyone."

Kirsten presses her lips together and nods. As soon as Maggie leaves the room, she wipes her eyes again and grabs the back of a chair, taking deep breaths until she calms herself down.

* * *

After spending the rest of the afternoon and evening with her mother and (begrudgingly) her father, she tosses and turns all night trying not to call Cameron. Finally, around three in the morning, she tiptoes out of the house and drives to Cameron's.

She doesn't think about what her explanation is going to be for randomly showing up at the door of some coworker she's not supposed to remember until she's halfway up the elevator, but she doesn't care. She needs to see him.

As she walks to his door, she looks at the crystal gripped in the palm of her hand. She's not sure why she grabbed it on the way out of her room, but a plan starts formulating in her mind. She can't tell him anything; she refuses to risk getting everyone sent away. But if he figures it out on his own, she'll have plausible deniability, plus he won't truly know for _sure _unless she outright admits it, which means technically he won't know at all. Technically.

She closes her hand around the crystal again and starts rapidly knocking on his door. Just the thought of how many times she's done this before, how familiar it feels when she has to act like it's all new makes her want to cry all over again.

Suddenly, the door swings open and she comes face to face with a very tired, very confused, wild-haired, glasses-clad Cameron. From the circles under his eyes, she knows he hasn't slept a wink either. She freezes for a moment at the sight of him, but then she quickly regains her composure.

"Kirsten?" he asks incredulously. "What – Why are you here? How did you get here?"

"I, um…" She tries to stop her voice from shaking, but her vision is already blurring from the tears she can't stop anymore. How is she supposed to lie to him? "Maggie said we were close, and I found your address in my phone, and I didn't know where else to go…"

She sees the shift in his eyes as his protective instinct for her kicks in. "Hey, hey, hey," he says gently, pulling her inside and shutting the door. Before she can stop herself, she's crying into his chest, gripping the hoodie he's wearing like it's the only thing tethering her to Earth. He freezes for a second, no doubt surprised and conflicted about how to handle his sobbing girlfriend who doesn't know she's his girlfriend. But then he wraps his arms around her tightly and cradles the back of her head with his hand.

"Maggie was right, we are close," he says quietly. Then he clears his throat. "As close as coworkers can be, I mean."

He pulls away to look at her and she wipes her face. She just about breaks down all over again when she sees the pain in his eyes. They look like shattered glass.

"Do you wanna sit down and talk about why you're here?" he asks her. She nods, and he walks her over to the couch. Then when she sits down, he walks back into the kitchen and returns with a jar of Nutella, a spoon, and a glass of milk, which he sets in front of her with a small smile.

She sniffles, every word harder to get out than the last. "How'd you know this is my comfort food?" she asks.

"We're a little closer than average coworkers," he says. "So why couldn't you talk to your parents?"

"I…" She tries to come up with an excuse for why she's here other than just needing to see him. "I just feel lost." She opens the Nutella and starts eating it. "I know my parents weren't in my life up until now, even the parts I can't remember. But you were. I thought maybe seeing someone who has actually been in my life would make me feel less lost, even if I don't actually remember knowing you."

Cameron nods. "I can't imagine what you must be going through. But…if you wanna ask me anything about what you don't remember, I can try to answer," he offers.

She sniffles and chugs half the milk. "I don't even know what to ask," she says. "I just feel like I woke up in a totally different world. And I feel like everything I don't remember is right on the edges of my memory, but I just…can't quite reach it." She sets her glass down.

"Well, I can tell you this," Cameron says. "You, Kirsten Clark, are the strongest, smartest person I have ever known. If anyone can get through this, it's you. And me and the rest of the team won't stop trying to figure out a way to restore your memories until we find one that works."

"Maggie said maybe if I keep stitching it'll help get my memories back."

Cameron knits his eyebrows together. "Keep stitching? You know about the program?"

"Maggie filled me in. She and my mom think I should keep doing it, and I'm going to. I want to keep helping people."

"Not in the state you're in, you're not," Cameron says. "I won't let this happen."

Kirsten purses her lips. She was expecting as much, but still. She isn't quite sure how to respond.

Cameron seems to realize his mistake. "Look, it's my job to keep you safe in every stitch, and I don't know how safe I can keep you if you don't even remember how to do it."

"I brought you something," she says, desperate to change the subject so she doesn't have to argue with him. She takes his hand and places the crystal in his palm. "I found this in my room, and I looked up the meaning of it. It's for protection. I thought you could maybe use it, you know, to protect your heart. Since you said it was hurting."

His breath catches when she uses the exact words he did when he gave it to her. She tries to catch his eyes, but he's staring at the crystal, his face unreadable. He closes his hand around it and looks up at her, his eyes glassy. He gives her a small, pained smile.

"Thank you," he tells her, his voice barely audible. Then he clears his throat and lifts up his glasses to wipe his eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asks him.

"Yeah," he replies, clearing his throat again. "Just, um, tired, is all."

Her heart breaks for him, and she looks around the apartment, as if Stinger might somehow be watching her. She can't tell Cameron the truth, and he's clearly in no mental state to allow himself to have any hope, since he's barely holding it together as it is. But there's gotta be some way she can work with this.

She looks behind him at a framed photo on the end table. "Is that us?" she asks, and points to the picture. It's the two of them from her birthday. She's in the fish tank, her arms folded on the edge and her chin resting on them, looking annoyed but with a tiny smile on her face nonetheless. He's standing next to her, grinning and in the middle of putting a party hat on her head for the real picture that was taken right after. _C'mon, Stretch_, she remembers him saying. _It'll be cute_.

He smiles a little again. "Uh, yeah," he says. "That was on your birthday. We didn't always see eye-to-eye."

"I look like a bitch," she says. That gets a small laugh out of him, and she smiles.

"You used to _occasionally _come across that way, but you never were. You just didn't know how to express emotions." He looks down at the crystal again, and takes a deep breath before looking back up at her. "Feeling a little less lost?" he asks.

She nods. "Thank you."

"Do you need a ride home?"

"No, it's okay. You're very sweet, Cameron."

They stand up together. "If you need anything else, just let me know, okay?" he says.

She nods. _Let me know_. She can't tell him, but maybe she could _show _him.

"Cameron?" she says in a rush.

"Hmm?" He looks down at her, and she takes the opportunity to grab his face and kiss him.

He kisses her back immediately, like he's done so many times before. Only this time, he's more tense than he's ever been before, like he knows he really shouldn't be doing this, or maybe because he's realizing what she's trying to let him know. He wraps his arms around her tightly as she moves her hands into his hair. She's so overwhelmed with _longing _for him and _missing _him and _hurting _for him that a few tears start rolling down her cheeks. He must feel them because he pulls away slowly and leans his forehead against hers, wiping her tears with his thumbs.

"Don't say anything," he whispers in a rush. "Clearly there's a lot you can't – or at least _shouldn't _– say, and I know you must be doing this for a reason that I can't know about so don't…don't say anything. Don't explain, or say anything that could get you in trouble. I need you to be safe, and for you to be safe this can't happen again until whatever problem I don't know about is solved." He kisses her again, softly and sweetly. "I'll help you however I can, but your safety is my priority, which means neither one of us can risk dropping this act again. Just know that I love you, Kirsten. More than anything. And I know you love me too." He kisses her one more time. "But you need to go home."

He pulls away to look at her, but she can barely see him because of the tears filling her eyes again. She sniffles and wipes her face, but she can't seem to stop crying. It's times like these when she misses being an emotionless robot.

"Yeah, you can't drive like this," he says quietly, rubbing her arms. "I'll take you home."

He takes her hand and they walk down to her car together. She hands him her keys wordlessly and they get in. She grabs his hand again as soon as they're in the car.

"I love you," she manages when they're halfway to her house. "I, um, I don't remember you, but I love you."

He squeezes her hand, not taking his eyes off the road. "I know." His voice is breaking, but when she looks over at him, a tiny smile is playing on his lips.

* * *

**if this gets enough attention i'll continue it but if not it works as a one-shot too :)**


End file.
